


The Mystery of the Cat Figurines

by IHScribe



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Drunken Crime Spree, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Non-Drunken Shenanigans, post-series before epilogue for Harry Potter, pre-series for Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-01 23:13:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHScribe/pseuds/IHScribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war, Hermione, Ron, and Harry go on a(n occasionally drunken) crime spree that baffles Scotland Yard and the World's Greatest Detective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mystery of the Cat Figurines

**Author's Note:**

> Fandoms: Harry Potter, Sherlock
> 
> Characters: Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Sherlock Holmes
> 
> Prompt: The Golden Trio, burdened by the expectations of a post-war magical Britain, decides to go on holiday in the muggle world. The trip quickly derails into a string of petty crimes and pranks that both irritate and confound the Scotland Yard, especially with the cat-themed calling cards and lack of evidence the trio leaves in their wake, so they call the world's only consulting detective to stop the madness. Macavity, Mungojerrie, and Griddlebone watch out - Sherlock Holmes is on the case!
> 
> Prompt Made By: Lulzlullylulz
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless I. H. Scribe is listed after Prompt Made By chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

The three of them were drunk the first time they did it.

After the war ended, Ron, Harry, and Hermione were all shoved into the spotlight. Post-war Magical Britain watched every move they made, praising the them when they approved of what they did, and viciously berating them when they didn't, giving Hermione and Ron a taste of what Harry – who was used to it by now – lived through.

Sitting in the library of #12 Grimmauld Place – the only safe place they could go without someone watching them – the Trio proceeded to get roaring drunk, something they hadn't been able to do since the first night of celebration after Voldemort's death.

Somehow, despite being drunk, they managed to apparate into the kitchen when they were hungry. Hermione giggled as she sat down a cat figurine – a magical-made copy of the one her mother gave her for her sixth birthday – in one of the now empty cupboards for Kreature to find, and they apparated back to the library.

They wouldn't find out until later that it wasn't the #12's kitchen they had gotten food out of.

* * *

When Mr. Roberts – a widower that lived alone – woke up the next morning, he would be surprised to find his cupboards ransacked and empty except for the cat figurine.

The police would be equally bewildered when the figurine disappeared from the evidence bag with no sign of tampering, while it was being driven to the station.

Pictures of the figurine would appear in an article in a small, local newspaper, and then posted online, where Hermione Granger found it.

* * *

"No, it couldn't be," Hermione said, as she pursued the article on her laptop – magically enhanced by the Weasley twins for their new muggle products line.

"What is it?" Ron asked.

"Harry, could you call Kreature?" Harry and Ron exchanged confused glances, but Harry did as he was asked.

"Kreature?"

"Master calls?"

"Kreature, did you find a small cat figurine in the kitchen cupboards a few days ago?" Hermione asked.

"Only cat figurines are one Mistress has and one she took with her."

"Took with me where, exactly, Kreature?"

"To food place," Kreature said. "Food place that wasn't here. Mistress said she left it in the cupboards after she and Master and friend took all the food."

"Oh no," Hermione said.

"Hermione, what's going on?" Ron asked.

"Oh, it's terrible. We've become thieves!?"

"How horrible," Harry said. "After breaking into Gringotts and stealing the cup, we've only just now become thieves."

"Harry, that was different. That was to win the war. Now, we've stolen food that wasn't ours, even when we had our own, because we were hungry!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Sounds like a pretty good reason to me," Ron said. Hermione let out a frustrated groan and smacked Ron with a pillow.

* * *

The second time they did it, they were also drunk.

Hermione admired a beautiful diamond ring in a muggle store that Ron couldn't afford to get her. After getting particularly drunk later that night, Ron and Harry had an idea. Hermione – who was surprisingly okay with thievery when drunk – agreed.

They entered the jewelry store under Harry's invisibility cloak, cut a hole in the glass, and made off with the ring in question.

Hermione giggled as she left another magically-made cat figurine copy behind in the rings place.

* * *

Another cat figurine disappearing from a sealed evidence bag alerted Scotland Yard, who picked up the cases. It didn't take long for the lead detective to call in Greg Lestrade, who in turn called in Sherlock Holmes.

"But the bags haven't been tampered with in any way," Lestrade said, "so where did the figurine go?"

"I don't know yet, but I'm sure I'll figure it out," Sherlock said.

* * *

"We did it again," Hermione moaned, looking at the brand new – and stolen – engagement ring on her finger.

"So we did," Ron said.

"It's not so bad," Harry said. "We didn't hurt anyone."

"That's not the point!" Hermione exclaimed.

"If we're going to keep going on a crime spree, can we get rid of that annoying dog across the street?" Ron asked.

Hermione opened her mouth to angrily berate Ron, but then a thoughtful look crossed her face. "You know, that dog is  _really_  annoying."

* * *

The third time they did it, they weren't drunk.

Across the street in #11 Grimmauld Place, there lived a very annoying Pekinese dog that would bark loudly at all times of the night. Putting a muzzle on the dog while its owner was sleeping was easy. Hermione added a silencing charm for good measure and then turned to Harry, who was watching Ron.

"Ronald!" Hermione hissed.

Ron, who was in the process of closing the carton of milk he had been drinking from, said "What? I was thirsty."

"Fine. Oh, don't put it back! Take it with us," Hermione said, putting another magically-made cat figurine copy in the milk's place. "Like we don't have any at home," she muttered.

* * *

The detective who had the unfortunate luck to receive Mrs. Rickson's phone call, listened as she screamed and yelled about someone breaking into her home to put a muzzle on her precious purebred dog.

He placated her with a few affirmative words, not really paying attention, until Mrs. Rickson mentioned the cat figurine in the refrigerator.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Rickson. Did you just say there was a cat figurine in the fridge?"

"Yes! The hoodlums not only muzzled my precious Pookie-Num-Nums, they stole my milk!"

It took several minutes but the detective finally got a description of the figurine, and sent the case over to Lestrade.

* * *

"This is ridiculous!" Lestrade said. They had placed the figurine in the evidence bag and sealed it tight, leaving four different detectives to guard over the bag, one for each direction, only to have it disappear from the sealed bag again.

"Interesting," Sherlock said.

"Interesting!? Our evidence keeps disappearing!" Lestrade shouted.

"Yes, yes, terrible," Sherlock said, "Lestrade, do you have the photographs from the security camera at the jewelry store on you?"

"Yes, why?"

"Just give them here," Sherlock said. There were five different couples that had paid attention to the ring that had been stolen. "Here, look," Sherlock said, pointing at one of the pictures of a bushy-haired woman and red-haired man.

"What about them?"

"They live across the street," Sherlock said. "I saw her peek out the window." It was the only connection, besides the disappearing cat figurine, between the various crimes so far.

* * *

"Oh, no. They're coming over. Kreature!" Hermione called. To her surprise, Kreature came. She hadn't thought he would answer her calls. "Kreature, take this and hide it until I call for you again," she said, handing over the engagement ring. She then grabbed the cat figurine and handed it to him, saying, "This too."

A cleaning spell took care of the dust outline of the figurine on the mantle, and a temporary tanning spell took care of the ring's outline on her finger. Just in time too, as a knock sounded on the door. Harry was the one to answer it.

"Can I help you?"

"May we come in?" Lestrade asked. "We have a few questions to ask."

"Uh, sure," Harry said, stepping out of the way, and opening the door wider so the two could enter.

* * *

"Oh? I wasn't aware that was the ring that had been stolen," Hermione said, as she sipped her tea. "What a pity. It was a beautiful ring."

"I wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway dear," Ron said, patting her on the hand.

"And Mrs. Rickson's dog got muzzled?" Harry asked. He grinned at Ron and Hermione. "No more barking in the middle of the night! Couldn't have happened to a nicer bitch."

"The dog is a male," Sherlock said.

"I wasn't talking about the dog," Harry said. Hermione reached behind Ron, and smacked Harry in the head. "Ow! Hermione!"

"Quiet. I'm sure this is a horrible time for Mrs. Rickson. Someone broke into her house! What if they decide to break in here next?"

"We'll feed them to Crookshanks," Ron said. "I'm sure he won't mind." The look Crookshanks gave Ron from across the room assured them that yes, he would very much mind.

"You are not feeding anyone to my cat, Ronald!" Hermione said.

"They do this all the time," Harry told Sherlock and Lestrade as Hermione and Ron began to bicker. "I've learned not to get in the way. Is there anything else we can help you with?"

"If you could tell us where you were two nights ago?"

"Uh, I was kinda drunk. I don't really remember. Hermione?"

"What!?" Hermione yelled at him, before realizing they still had company. "Oh, sorry. What is it you wanted to know?"

"Where you were two nights ago."

"These two idiots were drunk, and we hadn't gone shopping yet, so I took them to McDonalds."

"Drive through or did you eat inside the restaurant?"

"Inside."

"Do you know which one?"

"Of course I do!" Hermione said, giving him the first McDonalds location that popped into her mind.

"We'll check it out. Thank you for your cooperation."

"Of course," Hermione said. "I'll see you out."

* * *

"They were lying," Sherlock said.

"We'll soon find out. All McDonalds restaurants have security cameras now," Lestrade said.

"That can't be right," Sherlock said later, watching the three of them on the camera footage. "I'm sure it's them."

"It can't be. They have an alibi."

* * *

"Now what?" Ron asked. Hermione pulled out a time turner from underneath her shirt.

"Hermione?" Harry asked.

"I got it before the ones in the Department of Mysteries got smashed," Hermione admitted. "I may have forgotten to give it back." She set a bottle of Firewhiskey on the table. "Get to drinking boys. We have an alibi to make."

* * *

The fourth time they did it, they weren't drunk either.

"Oh," Hermione said, stopping by a greenhouse. "Look at that!" A brightly colored plant had caught her attention. "You know, I bet Neville would like that."

"So let's get it then," Ron said.

"Oh, I don't know."

"Come on, Hermione. You can leave one of those cat figurines behind," Harry said.

"Oh, fine," Hermione said, "but we're signing our work this time. Here." She held out a piece of paper for each of them. "You're new names."

"But why?" Ron said.

"Because I said so," Hermione said. "And because if you don't, I'll turn you into girls." Harry and Ron quickly snatched the papers out of her hand, causing her to smirk.

After taking the plant and leaving a figurine in its place, the three wrote their names on the greenhouse's glass – Hermione in blue, Harry in black, and Ron in red.

* * *

"Food, a ring, milk of all things, and now a plant?" Sherlock asked. "What are they doing?"

"I don't know," Lestrade said. "The figurine has disappeared,  _again_ , but at least they left their names this time."

"Oh?"

"Macavity is written in red, Mungojerrie in black, and Griddlebone in blue."

"How strange. And familiar," Sherlock muttered. He suddenly jumped forward, startling Lestrade, "Its part of a poem!"

* * *

"It says the crimes are based on a poem," Harry said.

"A poem?" Hermione asked, before gasping. "Of course! I'd almost forgotten about that poem!  _Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw-For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law_ ," she recited.

"You forgot? But the names? Macavity at least," Ron said.

"Oh, of course, of course!" Hermione exclaimed. "I must have subconsciously seen the similarities between our crimes and the poem."

"So what's next, then?" Harry asked.

"Well," Hermione started to explain. "If I recall correctly..."

* * *

The fifth and sixth times they did it, they were only slightly tipsy.

Hermione giggled as they put the cat figurine copy on the desk, while Ron tried shoving random papers – treaties they would find out in the morning when they read them – into Harry's back pocket.

Rather than home, where they tried to go when they apparated, the three of them appeared in another office, and with exchanged glances and shrugs, began making off with other papers, leaving another figurine in their place.

They snuck out the door, giggling between themselves as the snuck down some stairs, accidently dropping a few of the ill-gotten papers, before they apparated back to #12.

* * *

"Again?" Sherlock exclaimed. "But surely you were waiting for them at the Foreign Office!"

"We were," Lestrade said. "They somehow got in and out without us noticing. And the figurine disappeared again!"

"We'll find them," Sherlock said. "They'll make a mistake eventually."

"I hope so."

* * *

The three of them headed downstairs, rubbing sleep from their eyes. Sitting at the kitchen table were several papers, including a few treaties.

"Oh, oops," Hermione said, reading through one of them. "Hmm. The French won't be happy to know this disappeared."

"No they won't," a deep voice said from behind them. The three turned, drawing their wands, but it was only Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"Shack?" Ron said. "What are you doing here?"

"I suppose the three of you have had fun?" Kingsley said, disapprovingly. The three looked at each other for a few moments, and then back to Kingsley.

"Well, yeah," Ron said.

"A little," Hermione said.

"Why else would we have done it?" Harry said.

"I'm under orders to take you back home."

"Whose orders?"

"Molly Weasley."

"Oh, bugger!" Ron exclaimed. He began twisting, ready to disapparate, only to have Kingsley grab his ear, and jerk him forward.

"Oh, no, you're not getting out of this that easily."

* * *

The treaties stolen from the Foreign Office and the military plans stolen from the Admiral Winslow's office were returned mysteriously with a note that said:

_Sorry. We'll never do it again. We promise._

_Macavity, Mungojerrie, and Griddlebone_

There would never be any more Mystery Cat crimes, but neither would Sherlock Holmes ever solve the crimes. It would go down in muggle history as the one set of crimes he could never solve, while being a simple footnote in one of the wizarding history books that described Voldemort's second fall.

Magical Britain didn't particularly care about a bunch of muggle crimes, even if they were committed by one, or rather three, of their own.

Molly Weasley, on the other hand, spanked all three of them with a frying pan – "Like I'm going to hurt my own hand," she had said – cooed over Hermione's engagement ring – "Oh, Ron, why didn't you tell me you had proposed?" – and began planning the wedding – "There is this wonderful wedding dress at Madam Malkin's that would just go so well with your complexion, Hermione dear. No, Ronald, you may not steal it."

**Author's Note:**

> I am accepting prompts on Fanfiction.net and Livejournal. For more information on prompts, click [here for FF.net](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/5241068/) and go to the Accepting Prompts Section, or click [here for livejournal](http://ihscribe.livejournal.com/557.html) and see the Accepting Prompts post.


End file.
